When the purpose of a thing is not known abuse is inevitable.– Dr. Myles Munroe.
Abuse is ‘abnormal use’.
Purpose is the reason for which something is done or created.
The ‘why’ for something that exists. The original intent of anything.
One of the major reasons relationships fail is that people don’t know what exactly they’re getting into and why they are getting into it. I’ll center my conversation today on these two major areas: ‘What and Why’.
What’s a relationship? The way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected.
For our context, a Love relationship is a defined emotional/affectionate connection between 2 adults of the opposite gender, which could lead to marriage. (definition mine).
With this definition I’ll love to highlight the following points:
- A love relationship is defined. Both parties know clearly what they are doing and working towards and are committed to each other’s well-being.
Ask yourself what exactly are you doing with that person. Is there a clear understanding between you two or you’re just seeing how it goes and gratifying your sexual and emotional urges?
- It is an affectionate connection. Both parties should like themselves, enjoy spending time with each other and seek the best for each other. Some people are with people they don’t like but enjoy certain material benefits so they manage them or force themselves to like them.
- A love relationship is between 2 adults. Not children or teenagers. Unfortunately, teenagers think they are the most knowledgeable about love because of how they feel and the fact that their hormones are all excited at this time. That’s also why they start making mistakes early and sometimes all their lives.
What children and teenagers should have is pure and genuine friendships, not to start falling into lust and infatuation.
- Opposite gender. This is important to emphasize because, from the beginning, God created male and female and designed life such that mankind can only replenish the earth by the intercourse of opposite genders, not the same gender. So please don’t get deceived by popular opinions that are trying hard to undermine the wisdom of God. Same-sex marriage isn’t scriptural, don’t be deceived even if the whole world legalizes it.
- Marriage. For me, don’t get into a relationship with someone unless you think you can get married to the person within the foreseeable future.
So basically, the Why for a relationship should be towards getting married to the said person. It’s not the kind of relationship you can have with just everyone. So before it becomes a relationship, you must have observed and interacted with the person for a while, and become convinced that you are on the same page with this person’s personal, spiritual, and emotional values and vision and that you enjoy being with the person and the person shares same thoughts about you.
Now say the truth, do you consider all these before jumping into a relationship?
In conclusion, these are some basic questions I tell people to answer before getting into a relationship:
- What do I know about myself?
Question of self-discovery, passion, vision, personality type, love language, values, beliefs, strengths, weakness…
- What do I know about the opposite gender?
- What do I know about love?
- What do I know about marriage?
Question of purpose and mode of operation
- What do I know about raising a family?
- Am I ready for this level of commitment right now?
All these questions are directed at you, not your spouse-to-be.
1. Does it have a purpose?
2. Is marriage the purpose?
3. Can I tell the authority figures in my life about it?
4. Is it God-glorifying?
5. Am I becoming a better person because of this relationship?
6. Do I know his/her values and beliefs?
7. Do I know his/her strengths and weaknesses?
8. Can I live with the weaknesses for life if he/she never changes?
9. Am I willing to commit to my partner’s welfare for life?